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Breastfeeding
- Handling Criticism
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by:
Patty Hone
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Feelings about how to parent seem to shift
with every generation. A new way of parenting, sometimes called
attachment parenting, has emerged and it challenges many of the rigid
teachings of our mother's generation. Although breastfeeding is on the
rise now, women are still dealing with the repercussions of previous
generations. Not too long ago mainstream women did not breastfeed at
all and the ones that did were taught to follow strict schedules. Some
thought of breastfeeding as primitive. Formula was touted as being
equal to or superior to breast milk. Only recently, has the fact that
"breast is best" been acknowledged. Other women were in the workforce.
They may have felt that breastfeeding was not an option for them. They
did not have the modern breast pump available to them. The medical
community may not have encouraged breastfeeding at the time. It is not
hard to imagine. After all, even with all the knowledge about the
benefits of breastfeeding there are still many health professionals
today that are uneducated and unsupportive of breastfeeding. With all
the challenges in the way of breastfeeding, it is understandable why
many women of yesterday did not choose to breastfeed.
Breastfeeding has come a long way but still many of the old thinking
still carries on. Women are more educated on the subject; however, even
with the many books and other information available, people are often
most influenced by their immediate family and friends. Having the
support of friends and family can boost the chances of having a
successful breastfeeding experience. On the other hand, having to deal
with criticism and misinformation from the people you are close to can
sabotage a new mom trying to breastfeed.
There are many ways to deal with the negativity of others. One of the
best things you can do is to try to understand why the person feels the
way they do. Is it because they were taught differently about
breastfeeding? Were they indoctrinated with the ideas that
breastfeeding is primitive or inferior? Or is it that they feel breasts
are a sexual object? Maybe they have never seen someone breastfeed and
it makes them uncomfortable. This is the case with a lot of people.
Once breastfeeding in public becomes more commonplace, perhaps, this
will become less of a problem. Whatever the case, finding out the root
of the person's issues with breastfeeding may help to resolve the
tension.
Here are some things you can do to deal with criticism.
Be positive: It is hard for someone to argue with a happy, positive
person. If you are excited and enthusiastic about breastfeeding it can
be contagious
Try to educate them: Find information on the benefits of breastfeeding
to mom and baby and share this with them. You don't have to "push this
down their throat". Just be enthusiastic about your decision to
breastfeed and share with them why you decided to.
Be sympathetic: A lot of times women are defensive because
breastfeeding did not work out for them. If you sit and talk with any
woman that really wanted to breastfeed, you can hear the sadness in her
story. Try to be sympathetic and non-judgmental. Don't say things like
"you could have or should have". Share your experience, be positive,
and let them know you care.
Try not to get angry: Breastfeeding conversations can get very heated.
Getting angry with someone is not likely to change her feelings. It
will just make you and her upset. If you don't feel like you can talk
about breastfeeding with this person change the subject or avoid
talking about it.
Use your doctor as your advocate: Sometimes the best thing you can do
is tell someone that this is what your doctor recommends. What you
think means very little to some people but a doctor's word carries
weight.
Don't be sarcastic or insulting: Belittling someone is likely to make
someone defensive. It is not a good approach to winning someone over.
You may turn an opportunity to educate someone into a personal attack.
Stand your ground: Do not let someone else decide how you are going to
parent. If they are uncomfortable then they will have to come to terms
with it. You do not have to change the way you parent to suit someone
else.
If nothing is working then you may just let the person know that you do
not want to discuss the issue with them any more. Hopefully, it doesn't
come to this.
About the author:
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy to three kids. She is also co-owner of
Justmommies.com Justmommies is an online community of moms sharing the
joys and struggles of motherhood. Message boards, chats, articles,
parenting, pregnancy info and more.
www.justmommies.com
email@justmommies.com
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