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Gathering
With Extended Family for The Holidays
Doesn’t Have To Be Painful
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by:
ARA
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(ARA) - Aunt Edna is upset because Cousin
Billy is bringing his new girlfriend, and she doesn’t think she should
have to buy her a gift. Sue and Harry’s family can only come on the
Saturday before the holiday, and Aunt Judy insists that everything be
home cooked. Considering the obstacles and opinions, why will Americans
mob the airports and highways this holiday season, as they do every
year, to attend gatherings with their extended families?
“People need to feel that connectedness,” surmises Charlotte Shoup
Olsen, an associate professor of family studies and extension
specialist at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kan. “When everyone
is together you get that sense of being part of a bigger community --
not in the sense that you live close by, but just in a sense of
belonging. Holidays, especially, offer a good opportunity to build that
family history together.”
According to a recent poll conducted by Harris Interactive and
sponsored by Modern Woodmen of America, Rock Island, Ill., 90 percent
of Americans attend a holiday event such as Thanksgiving or Christmas
with extended family.
“Nearly all Americans in our survey (99 percent) feel it’s good for
children to know their relatives and family history,” comments Sharon
Snawerdt of Modern Woodmen. Modern Woodmen, a fraternal benefit society
offering financial services, promotes strong family relationships
through its many member programs as well as its Web site,
www.gatherings.info.
Snawerdt adds, “Ninety percent of survey respondents indicated that
spending time with extended family is one of the most important parts
of their lives.”
Family Feuds
The holidays are a time for “peace on earth,” but that doesn’t stop
Uncle Joe from fighting with Aunt Helen.
“Holidays are a time when people come home, and grown, mature adults
will fall back into those old childhood roles in the family and past
hard feelings resurface,” explains Olsen. “Big sis just can’t get over
feeling that baby brother was spoiled rotten, even if they are both in
their 40s.”
Olsen says that all family members should be included in the
invitation, even the black sheep or the two family members having a
feud.
“If someone refuses to come because so and so will be there, there is
nothing you can do about it,” she says. “That is his or her baggage.”
Olsen offers some tips for how to handle family members who may not
like to be in the same room with one another.
* Appoint a neutral member of the family to take on the role of
mediator. (This person should use humor and tact to encourage guests to
avoid touchy subjects. In other words, if Uncle Joe starts discussing
Grandpa’s will, the mediator should gracefully make it known that this
isn’t the appropriate time to bring up that topic.)
* Assign seats using place cards.
* Set up smaller table arrangements throughout the house.
* Limit alcoholic beverages. Alcohol makes some people braver and more
confrontational.
Giving and Receiving
It wouldn’t be the holidays without gift giving, but as families grow
larger many struggle with how to handle it. Olsen offers these tips:
* A grab bag. In this system, set a price limit and have each guy bring
a guy gift and each gal bring a gal gift.
* A drawing. Each participant planning to attend the event draws a name
from a hat (or via phone or email) and brings a gift for only that
person.
* A homemade gift exchange. Crafts, food items and artwork are good
suggestions. This is for the family willing to invest some time, but
not as much money.
* A “time” gift certificate exchange. These can feature anything from
snow shoveling to babysitting services.
* A kids-only exchange.
* A collection of donations for the local food pantry or group
sponsorship of a needy family.
Finally, Olsen suggests forgoing the gift giving altogether and
replacing it with activities even more meaningful. Modern Woodmen’s
www.gatherings.info Web site offers a host of tips for making your
family gathering fun. Aside from the standard board games and card
games, your family may want to try these ideas:
* Games and Activities
-- “Picture Lotto” – Make your own game using copies of your family
pictures.
-- “Frosty” – Use some toilet paper, construction paper and family
teams to have some family fun in this interactive game.
-- “Unwrap the Gift” – This game uses a bag of candy or small gift
items, a multi-layer-wrapped gift box and some music to create fun for
the very young, as well as the adults.
* Scrapbook, photography and video ideas
-- A Family Time Capsule – It can’t get much easier than videotaping
the festivities to save for posterity. You can incorporate interviews
with family members asking them to share their favorite memories or a
song.
-- Gathering Scrapbook – More than compiling a multifaceted record of a
gathering, creating scrapbooks can be a rewarding. At your next family
event have each family create a page. Take pictures that day thinking
about each family, so you can get a representative sample. When the
film is developed, place the appropriate pictures with that family’s
page. Compile together and share at your next gathering.
“The important part of gift giving isn’t so much what you get, but
prolonging the family time together,” says Olsen. “Instead of a gift
exchange, you can think of activities or games to do together. You can
sing carols or look over photo albums. You can view family videos or
make a video heirloom. Any holiday tradition is an opportunity beyond
eating to spend time together. You have a short amount of time
together, but you want to make it a good memory for the whole year.”
“That’s one gift everyone will appreciate.”
About the author:
Courtesy of ARA Content
Circulated by Article Emporium
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